So I definitely fell off the wagon in terms of my writing after leaving Thailand. The last 5 days or so of Thailand were a complete whirlwind, followed by another whirlwind of apartment shopping, couch hopping and life-beginning once I got back.
So the end of Thailand. Where to start? I hate how its only been a month and I'm already starting to forget things. Well the last week of school we taught for one day, and had English Camp for the last two. The last few days went by really quickly. I played "bunny bunny" with all of my classes instead of really teaching. Not that I was "giving up" on the last day, but honestly-due to circumstances out of my control (swine flu...) and poor planning on behalf of the program (who decided that it would be good for the volunteers to teach during a time period chock full of holidays and midterms?)I only actually taught 3 out of the 7 weeks. So frustrating. So yea that whole idealistic, "I'm going to make an impact" thing didn't really happen and instead of trying to teach one last grammar lesson that would go in one ear and out the other, bunny bunny was the next best choice. Not exactly sure how I feel about that being my legacy, but oh well.
Well originally, we had planned to leave on Friday morning for Bangkok, but because Crystal's host family wanted to take us to the beach for a party and celebration before we left, we ended up leaving Wednesday night. Getting the entire group organized and ready to leave for Bangkok ended up being a nightmare. Our program director (who was supposed to be in charge? right?) broke the phone that he had been borrowing (question mark) and all of a sudden disappeared for 2 days while we were trying to coordinate our departure. That was super helpful. We had to make sure that the other volunteers were able to get to Taphanhin in time to leave with us, coordinate with their host families, our host families, and everyone-and it was a huge mess. Especially given the language barrier. (Note to self: next time someone assures you that yes, you can teach English effectively even though you do not speak the local language at all-THEY ARE LYING). Ultimately, we left the program director behind and I got the girls all ready to leave. We went to Bangkok Wednesday night and we were dropped off at "Na Dau"'s house for the night.
Na Dau is the older sister of my host Mom and Crystal's host Dad (they have 9 siblings!) and lives in Bangkok. She was in charge of us for our time in Bangkok. She has to be the most hilarious woman I have ever met. She told us herself (complete with giggles in the appropriate places) that "I have nothing to do, so I always go shopping and go to yoga!" The woman is my hero. She literally does just that. Her day consists of driving her daughter to school, yoga, shopping and picking her daughter up from school. So we went to yoga on Thursday morning with her at the fancy California Wow gym. After yoga, we were picked up by Crystal's host family in the good ole family van to drive out to Hoi Hin, a beach about 3 hours south of Bangkok. After the requisite stops for snacks, we arrived at the resort and all had a collective sigh of happiness once we saw our little villa. While I was living in the relative lap of luxury all summer, the other volunteers were drooling at the real beds, hot water and Western-style showers. We laid on the beach all afternoon, and in keeping with Thai style, I stayed out of the sun and read instead of swimming. Somehow, the thought of squeezing myself into my bikini (damn those Thai desserts) and exposing my pastey whale of a body on a beach with mostly conservative Thai families really didn't get me going. Crystal's host sister, Bui Fai, was of course not allowed to play in the sun until about 5 pm when it was less strong, and by play, I mean she was followed around by her nanny, mother and father who all helped her with everything (shoveling sand, walking, sitting in sand, making sand castles...).
After a relaxing afternoon, we showered and got ready for our big dinner party. We went to this restaurant that was right on the water and it was absolutely beautiful. Crystal's host parents even brought wine! I ate until I was stuffed to the brim-delicious fried oysters, spicy Thai dishes-yummm, and thoroughly enjoyed my 2 glasses of questionable quality white wine-whatever, begger's can't be choosers. After dinner we went to the night market in town, then straight home to bed.
The next day, we headed back to Bangkok for our last couple days. Na Dau, in her typical fashion, showed us a fabulous time-completely unrealistic of real Thai life-but fabulous nonetheless. We went to her fancy gym downtown, had Thai massages, shopped all day, and ate fabulous meals. I kept thinking to myself, as we were driving around in her BMW-I could totally live here. This would be great. Umm yea, if I suddenly became independently wealthy, or married myself off to some Thai prince. I'll get working on that.
Time with Na Dau was great, but by Sunday afternoon, I was ready to get on the plane and be a few steps closer to home. One of the other family members picked us up on Saturday night, took us to Sizzler (yes, that was my last meal in Thailand) and then to the airport. Checking in and going through security was completely surreal. I kept feeling like I was going to see the other volunteers and my host family again, like I wasn't really going home. About 24 hours later however....there I was, arriving into Dulles in DC.
Side note: I have pictures of this toilet seat in Japan that I absolutely fell in love with. First of all, it cleans itself. Second, it heats itself according to your wishes. It ALSO plays sounds, and according to the other instructions could pretty much run your life. I LOVE the Japanese. Seriously.
So at this point its been what feels like forever since I left Thailand. I sometimes forget that it actually happened-it feels like such a blur. Overall-I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. Everyone asks me "Omg, how was Thailand?!" expecting me to exclaim, "It was AMAZING, the BEST experience ever!" and go on and on about how I helped "save" the locals and this and that. Not really. I'm not going to lie-it was really hard, and honestly-disillusioning. I don't think that besides giving exposure to American language and culture (which really-what does that do to kids in rural Thailand? In the long run? They know more from you-tube than from me), I didn't do all that much. I fault the program, I fault my inability to speak Thai, I fault my lack of training in any sort of teaching or ESL, I fault my attitude at some points (wow-taking responsibility for my actions-it happens sometimes) and all sorts of other things. Mostly I think I fundamentally disagree with a lot of the theoretical and philosophical justifications behind a lot of international volunteer and development work. Thinking that a few privileged college students could make an impact in 7 weeks is naive and self-righteous. Who are we to say we know anything about anything really? Anyways...I guess that's a muddled place to leave the trip, but c'est la vie. God knows I'd sleep better at night if life could be easily organized into lists and labelled.
Since Thailand, I have found an apartment, moved into said apartment, furnished said apartment (ouch, I hurt just thinking of my credit card bill....), started my job, gotten staffed on my first project, gone to training, and now.....well here I am. Real life is interesting (my favorite noncommittal word). I've been so busy that I haven't really had a chance to let it all sink in-and I think that's the best strategy. Musing on how this is what I'm doing for the rest of...eternity...isn't overly uplifting. My life consists of comparing savings at the grocery store with my roommate, discussing what we will make for our lunches, working 5 days a week, squeezing in a social life and doing it all over again. I like my job so far-despite the menial excel work (I'm starting to become a huge excel nerd-it's frightening), the bigger picture is interesting and the people I work with actually are great-it's not just a recruiting cliche.
I'd say the jury is still out...but it's looking pretty hopeful :)
PS-here it is Dad...the "epilogue". :)
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